I guess if i wasn't to update..
No one would tag my blog right.Obviously.
Its 1.21am.
It's way pass my bed time.
My day was fine.
Saw my cussin.
Went to study at esplanade.
Did my folio and mother tongue with yanti and hazwan.Met mey and kecik there.
Mizah tagged along.Had lots of fun.
The day before had an arguement with hadi.The fight that occured two weeks ago still continues.
People(skinheads) really think i'm the one whose behind this?
If i were to know the person who came up with that idea that i was the one who is behind all this. Say your prayers.
To that guy who is in the same school as me.
You're so dead.
I want to confront him.
Coward. Thanks to him all this happened to me.
Why must people be so bad.
Why must people bad mouth me?
Don't they have better things to do?
Would you people think i actually had the time to set everything up?
Shitty.
And to hadi.
Egoistic.
Narrow-minded.
I can't believe he didn't trust me or believed me.
Making me feel bad as per usual.
It's always thanks to you that my days are gloomy.
Why can't i let him go?
People say with time the wound would heal.
It doesn't.
Believe me when the love is freaking strong not even time will heal.
Must i always feel bad when it comes to weekends?
It sucks.When weekends suppose to be great.
I'm home alone right now.
I'm pissed off with mum ruining my weekends.
It's good enough that i'm actually returning home early on saturdays.
What else?
Can't you just fulfill your promises to bring me out?
When i return home late you say i'm the reason you can't go out.
When i'm home you go out without me!
What's all this?
Sitting home alone makes me scared.
Not because of all those super natural things.
But it makes me think.
About life.
About future.
About past.
About what's happening to me currently.
School.Studies.Examinations.
I reckon i'm not pushing myself hard enough.
I really need my time alone.
But when i'm alone, i feel inferior.
Not because i'm aloner and can't do stupid things and if i was to do those stupid things i would be making a fool out of myself.
Not that.
It makes me think about everything.
EVERYTHING.
It hurts.
Very badly.
i regret my actions.*cries*
What i'm left with is studies.Get good grades.
Yet there's this other life that is a barrier between me and what i want to achieve.
I try.
But i don't think i'm pushing myself hard enough!.
Argh!.
I'm sad.
I'm infuriated.
I do have friends.
They really care.
I'm happy everything between me and sister is okay now.
But i can't find anybody who really understands me and will be there 24/7 just for me.
Well not really 24/7 but every waking hours.
Make me feel happy.
Know how i feel inside.
i found that once before.
Who really made me happy.
But now...g o n e.....
I wish that person return.
Make me happy.
Listen to all my blabs.
Be the one who entertains my crappyness.
Listens to me when i'm down.
Listen to whatever i say when i really need to let it out.
It's all gone.
I feel i'm surrounded by lots of people who care and love me.
But....It's just that feeling.That doesn't make me go *gaga* that my life is great.
Tomorrow..i mean today..There will be tuition.Doing my DNT with my DNT friends tomorrow.
Going to complete my english if i'm able to wake up early tomorrow.
Monday school.
Tuesday holiday.
i want to go out.
ALONE.
And i mean it.
Who cares if it's the same place again.
At least i'm alone.
By the way.
I'm not emo.
LOL.
-pheww..!-
i feel better that i'm actually letting this out.
cheers to people.
*I'm still in love with him a hell lots.Hadi.*
take care.
-izni

I have no idea why i'm publishing a second entry today.
I'll make this quick because it's time to sleep.
As days turns into night.
My feeling for him grows.
And i dislike these feelings because i know he doesn't feel the same way towards me anymore.
And i don't use the word hate because it's to strong to use.
I have no idea why i suddenly want to post this up here.When just a few hours ago i was saying that i was almost over him.
This sucks.
Well.
I suddenly feel i'm turning back to what i used to be.
I want it to stop.
Be studious.
But yet.
Its hard.
Damn it.
I reckon andi feel that i have two personality.
One that wants to enjoy all the way.
The other which speaks for the good side to study and get away from all those thing that has been spoiling and poisoning me.
okay there goes.
Heck. I'm going to spend my days until next week alone.
So peeps in school my mood swing is back.
Not the part that will throw tantrum but the one who shuts up and doesn't speak to anyone.MIA on weekends.
I need to enjoy my fridays, saturdays and sudays alone(as usual-to reflect ya'll know) or with family.
Study okay izni?
Good girl.
Heex.
okay.
go.
thats all.
so much for a short entry huh.
i just remembered it would have been our forth month when the clock strikes 12 midnight.
should i text him up?
i reckon i should.
All the best of luck izni.
-izni

hey ho.
hehe.
updates.
Firstly to people who view my blog.
Please please tag okay?
I don't mind whether it is critisicm or compliment.
Just tag okay?
Thank you.
If you find any of the vocabulary he quite ardous to understand go check the dictionary for the meanings okay?
I'm practicing for my english vocabulary right now because i suck BIG time at it.
LOL.
Hrmm.
Let's start.
My days have been kind of alright.
Everything has been going on fine this last few days.
I reckon i've gotten over hadi quite a lot.
Hrm.But like i said i don't plan to have a boyfriend.
And i'm having a new eye candy.*eyebrow thingy*
LOL.
yerp.
Not going to mention who.
He is Chinese.*hint2!*
What else.
Haven't been studying lots.haha.
Have no idea why.
Buck up Izni!
Well..i've been feeling very sluggish nowadays.
Have no idea why.
Well the plus point is that i haven't been sleeping in class.
Yeahness.
Coffee Keeps me away.
Thank you.
School haa been cool.
Family is the best.
Friends are damn cool.(MOST of them.LOL)
Well.
Hadi..hrmm.ever since yesterday, i haven't been thinking about him.My feelings for him faded away.Not all of it.But some of it.
I remember i fell into a state of melancholy when he wanted to break up with me.
Oh..that was then.
I may still think of him because i miss his presence.
Yet the LOVE isn't that strong.=)
I'm starting to love and appreciate myself and whatever is around me more.
Hrm,
Is it because i'm in a freaking good mood?
Yet.I still have that inferior feeling to be happy and gregorious as before.I wonder why.
Maybe my self-confidence level dropped.
Well i think it's time for me to stand up and get on my feet and be strong.Emotionally.
If i'm able to be go out alone and not feel lonely and not to feel dependant on others then this is no biggy.
Tomorrow is NAFA test.
I haven't been training like how i did before.
Food has been my companion since the break up.
lol.and i'm loving it.
okay.
I have nothing else to say.
Everything has been going on just fine for me.thanks to everyone who cheered me up in school at home and everywhere els.Especially dedicated to family and friends like tasha,mey,yanti,zaidi,nab,mizah,fariz,shamir,khairul,wan,brandon and Ian..Coolness you guys!
F.Y.I.
if all of you people who seen my myspace comments or friendster, if you noticed, there isn't any people whom i added or chatted through myspace and friendster other than girls.LOL i wonder why.
I guess girls are cool to make friends with compare to guys.
haha.
Crappyness.
Yes i know!
actually, i have no idea on what to update.
That is why all that i've typed here has got no links to anything.
Nothing intriguing has happened lately.LOL.
Okay sorry to post an insipid entry okay?
that about it.
take care.
Cheer to everyone.
Assalammualaikum.
-izni
P.S.Good luck to all F&N students.Do your best for your O'Level practical okay?.=)

hey.
ho.
lol..
updates.
here goes.



many things have indeed happened.
Well.
fights..
crying..
being dejected...
feeling demoralised...
getting blamed..
many more.
yet..looking from the positive side.
It made me stronger in many ways.

Yes.
SYF..so what if we got a bronze.its still a gold in our hearts.
Why should we be ashamed.
We did our best.
We had last minute problems.
What do people know about what we've gone through.
And i'm proud of the band that they we stayed strong.
I'm loving HKMB.
From there we learnt much more.And appreciate each other more.
Never fail to hug or smile and say that we miss one another when we see each other in school.
Coolness right.
Examinations are indeed nearing.
I've been studying.
Yet i'm starting to get sick of it.
I know i shouldn't
I can't help it.
Been having fun.
Hadi is the only person in my way now.
Yes.
I've got to mention that.
If it isn't for him i would be the one who is cares less.
About everything and be happy and be smiling to everything that happens to me.
Yet nowadays i get mad to the slightest things.
And feel emotional and angry.
And ill start to think about him.
I can't get him out of my head.
Well.
I tried.
By returning his sweater as soon as possible.
Now.
I'm going to return him his valentine gift back.
I don't think it was a sincere present to me.
I thought he just felt bad that i bought him all those stuff.
And he wanted to return.
And the letter.
Meaningless.
Because it doesn't show anything anymore.
Everything's GONE!
People blame me for the things that i didn't commit.
Fights that i tried to help. I end up getting blamed and not appreciated.
It ok.
I don't need to feel appreciated.
At least do not blame me.okay?
I guess they know they owe me an apology.
I hate going to city hall every saturday.
Other then to study.
There isn't any point for me to go there.
Over rated malay population.
And to see his face every saturday.
It sucks.
Well.
at times to enjoy is okay.
But not often.
It will make you get adrift.
Okay?.
that's my advice.
Been in good terms with sister.
Yeahness.
Coolness.
Thanks.
I couldn't cry infront of her.
I did when i thought about what she told me.
Made me feel as though i've turned over a new leaf.
LOL

Nowadays.
I prefer being alone then going out with my peers.
I'll only spent time with them when i'm in school. Or...
i'll go out with them if they want me to help them with their chemistry and maths!
LOL.
my favourite subjects.
Yeah other then that.
sorry.
I got a date with Izni.
Mizah has been taking care of me so much.
thanks.
She like my BF.
LOL.
i'm no lesbo okay?
Well.
hadi.
I' still so into you.
Yet i don't want a boyfriend anymore.
All thanks to you.
I don't want to move on.
If i was to have a BF.
It would only be you.
Yeah.
In three days it would have been our fourth month together.
Yerps.
Well.
whatever.
Narcisscm is written all over my face.
-izni the best-
-Next comes mum-
-Next comes sis-
-Next comes Yanti and mizah-
-Hadi comes next-
-next comes yan-(mizah's bf.Don't mind)
-Finally It dad.-
okay?
ok.
Oh yeah..
not forgetting my cussin.
Hafiy=)
thats all.
Had dun with mizah.
yesterday.
She stayed over at my house for fun=)
Coolness.
Tc.
Everyone is being loved by me.!
Cheers.
Assalammualaikum
-izni-

updates.

SYF.
in 6 days!
Oh God!
Hopefully my motivations to the band is working.
Sigh**

Hrm.
I've been giving the guys e.g.Faris, hakim, farhan and more a cold shoulder.
If they are to piss me off just once.
Oh god.
I just have no idea why i'm acting this way towards them.
If usually okay when it comes to being disturbed or whatsoever.
Not anymore though.
I've been acting different.
I think the only person that i can get along with is hazwan and zaidi in the class i mean.
To me they talk sense.Not that the rest don't but come to think of it they think far.They talk with standard.
Hrmm.i observe people more nowadays.
Not the way they look but the way they are.Character.etc.
Honestly, i'm kind off pissed with some of the seniors.
They aren't doing their job.
Well they do not show that they are committed.
Well even if they are putting in their effort yet come on its 6 days to syf.So a little bit more of "intensity and committed and set good example".
tomorrow.
The lower secondary assembly we going to perform just to get ourselves ready in a way.
Won't be attending Geography lesson.And some parts of mother tongue and POA if i'm not mistaken.
So, this comes to show that i won't have to bring my school books tomorrow!
Okay whatever.
Lets start with saturday.
Went out with fad,yat(with his girlfriend) , ipan(with his ex girlfriend) , badot and helmy.Met adi our vocalist.He was with his VL group.Oh yeah.Zart and Niz(our old vocalist.)Yes everyone was with their loved ones.
Even if they wen't with their loved ones, they already have a partner.
Unlike me.=(
Although that kind of turn me off a little.
I still enjoyed my night with them.
Smoking was the best part after not smoking for a long long long long time.
It only took a phone call from mum to bring my mood down.
Well.head home afterwards.
Brought hadi's sweater along hoping to bump into him.But i didn't.
Took photos.
Together with the band.Without the drummer, penyu.
While heading home.
A fight had occurred.
Rudies.
and matreps.
I support the rudies of course.
yet some of them are so so soft hearted.
No pride.
Hrmm.
Oh well.
head home.
Took the cabby from lakeside.
At home.
Fought with the boss of the house about some lame crapp.
And i really mean fight.
Fist and fist.=)
Had a drink and send me straight to bed afterwards.
LOL.
Sunday started with a hang over.
LOL.
yeah.
To the fact i had tuition.
Hrmm.
i could study because the hang over was gone soon after i showered.Had breakfast along the way to tuition.
Yes.I've not been eating home lately.
Even if i was to eat.
It wouldn't be infront of mum and dad.
Arrived early at the tuition centre.
Tuition sucked.
Well it didn't actually.
Mr koh just wanted us to be more responsive and not just to absorb and take in information and knowledge from him.He wants us to practice and try it out ourselves.that got him mad and infuriated.
Moving on,
went to esplanade afterwards with hakim and farhan.
I wanted to go alone but they wanted to tag along.
Well.
as they wish.
Hakim pissed me off.
And i couldn't be bothered with him after that.
Did my homework at the library.
They left soon after.
After they left, half and hour or so i left to after completing my assignments.
Someone approached me asking about my music talents.
LOL.
I bet some of you guys must have been approached before right?
Well since it was still early and had nothing better to do so i entertained the stranger who interviewed me.To my surprise, she didn't even know how to spell trombone.
Oh god.
How embarrassing!
well bumped into my cussin after that.
Didn't notice it was him until he approached me first.
Impressive.
My cussin going to city hall?
Lepak2.and jam.
WoohOo.
Hopefully i have a partner in crime in the family.**
LOL.
Went home after that.
Alight at boon lay and took the bus from there.
Bumped into hakim and farhan after that LOL.they took the bus and the bus was super slow.they said.
Met my junior who plays the tuba.
Bit goodbyes and i was off.
Monday.yesterday was alright.
Speech day rehearsal was disastrous.!
A very long day indeed it was yesterday.had chemistry test.and it sucked big time.I got 18.5/30!!..the highest is 25.that is that brainy kid, brandon.Mrs chuah didnt tell us that the test had other chapters.So unfair!
Went for a jog after that.
Was i damn sweating like a pig!
Saw billy and the rest at the park where i was jogging.
remembered when i used to jog there and to lepak after that till late hours.
Oh god!.
LOL.
Talked on the phone with hadi.
One word.Frustrating.
He kept on making me feel as though i'm in contact with other guys.
E.g. badot and yan(ex)
My god!.
I'm not contacting them, okay?
Hrmm.
i don't understand this.
His my ex.yet still acting like a boyfriend.
Well he jealous and having stupid thoughts on me.what the hell.
I'm not that sort of person okay?
hrmmp!
This sucks big time!
Well.talk to him and he kept on talking about badot and yan and blablabla.
are those the only guys he knows?LOL.
what the hell.
Maybe he is the one who is in contact with other girls.
HAH!
Well.
Whatever.
School was very tiring just now.
Had band practice.
Updates on SYF?
Yes.
Victoria and Temasek secondary school got gold with honours last two years.
The got a silver this year.
There is only one gold band.Yuhua.As per usual.
One COP band.
Many bands got a bronze.
It's like a curse this year.
Many CCA and schools getting bronze as a result for competitions!.
I'm scared.!
By the way.
Yesterday The band was very united!..I'm LOVING HKMB!
TODAY THE TROMBONISTS WERE VERY HARDWORKING.KEEP IT UP!
LETS GET ACHIEVE FOR A GOLD okay?
YEAH!.
Been doing my homework lately and i'm really free today!.No homework!.
I'm loving it.
I'm very very happy right now.
Okay.Anything give me a buzz to my home okay?
i haven't top up my credit lah!.
LOL
okay.
Good luck Pei Cai for your SYF tomorrow!
That's all.
Take care
cheers!
Assalammualaikum=)
-izni
P.S. To Fad.I know why you are feeling that way.It is a normal feeling.It's okay to "hate" that girl.It's like that.At first you hate the person because she is still loved by the person you once loved.With time, the hatred grows.To a point you really do not like her.What more if you were to see her face!.Sheesh!.so don't worry okay?..Or second possibility.You still not satisfied that he still wants her and she was the problem between the both of you.And maybe there is a slight jealousy towards her.Think positive.You moved on.Found a much much better person.Who is much much much more worth of you time. To me your current boyfriend is better.Stick to him okay?.Don't think to much about other people.Don't pay attention to other people out there.It may affect your relationship.Because to me when you are in a relationship, the world is been you and him.No one else.And everything would be perfect.I wish you and your boyfriend last long okay?.Coolness.=).

P.S.Hadi i love you.
P.S.Mizah i'm missing you..Can't wait till saturday.=)
IZNI GO AND STUDY!!

Dimi.My aussie crush.LOL.FYI

My current love.<<3.LOL

Izni.
18 ish.
The beach is the best place to be.
Part Time employee.
Full Time Student.
Fullest Time dedicated to sleep and party.
If one day there wasn't any food left to eat,
I'd live on Malboro Reds and Ice Lemon Tea Seasons.
& Last, I live by this quote..
Work Hard, party HARDER.