Sunday, April 29, 2007;
1:17 AM
I guess if i wasn't to update..
No one would tag my blog right.Obviously.
Its 1.21am.
It's way pass my bed time.
My day was fine.
Saw my cussin.
Went to study at esplanade.
Did my folio and mother tongue with yanti and hazwan.Met mey and kecik there.
Mizah tagged along.Had lots of fun.
The day before had an arguement with hadi.The fight that occured two weeks ago still continues.
People(skinheads) really think i'm the one whose behind this?
If i were to know the person who came up with that idea that i was the one who is behind all this. Say your prayers.
To that guy who is in the same school as me.
You're so dead.
I want to confront him.
Coward. Thanks to him all this happened to me.
Why must people be so bad.
Why must people bad mouth me?
Don't they have better things to do?
Would you people think i actually had the time to set everything up?
Shitty.
And to hadi.
Egoistic.
Narrow-minded.
I can't believe he didn't trust me or believed me.
Making me feel bad as per usual.
It's always thanks to you that my days are gloomy.
Why can't i let him go?
People say with time the wound would heal.
It doesn't.
Believe me when the love is freaking strong not even time will heal.
Must i always feel bad when it comes to weekends?
It sucks.When weekends suppose to be great.
I'm home alone right now.
I'm pissed off with mum ruining my weekends.
It's good enough that i'm actually returning home early on saturdays.
What else?
Can't you just fulfill your promises to bring me out?
When i return home late you say i'm the reason you can't go out.
When i'm home you go out without me!
What's all this?
Sitting home alone makes me scared.
Not because of all those super natural things.
But it makes me think.
About life.
About future.
About past.
About what's happening to me currently.
School.Studies.Examinations.
I reckon i'm not pushing myself hard enough.
I really need my time alone.
But when i'm alone, i feel inferior.
Not because i'm aloner and can't do stupid things and if i was to do those stupid things i would be making a fool out of myself.
Not that.
It makes me think about everything.
EVERYTHING.
It hurts.
Very badly.
i regret my actions.*cries*
What i'm left with is studies.Get good grades.
Yet there's this other life that is a barrier between me and what i want to achieve.
I try.
But i don't think i'm pushing myself hard enough!.
Argh!.
I'm sad.
I'm infuriated.
I do have friends.
They really care.
I'm happy everything between me and sister is okay now.
But i can't find anybody who really understands me and will be there 24/7 just for me.
Well not really 24/7 but every waking hours.
Make me feel happy.
Know how i feel inside.
i found that once before.
Who really made me happy.
But now...g o n e.....
I wish that person return.
Make me happy.
Listen to all my blabs.
Be the one who entertains my crappyness.
Listens to me when i'm down.
Listen to whatever i say when i really need to let it out.
It's all gone.
I feel i'm surrounded by lots of people who care and love me.
But....It's just that feeling.That doesn't make me go *gaga* that my life is great.
Tomorrow..i mean today..There will be tuition.Doing my DNT with my DNT friends tomorrow.
Going to complete my english if i'm able to wake up early tomorrow.
Monday school.
Tuesday holiday.
i want to go out.
ALONE.
And i mean it.
Who cares if it's the same place again.
At least i'm alone.
By the way.
I'm not emo.
LOL.
-pheww..!-
i feel better that i'm actually letting this out.
cheers to people.
*I'm still in love with him a hell lots.Hadi.*
take care.
-izni
♥somewhere
